Olsen Hudgens Long Lost Mother

Am I the only one who watched Idol Gives Back? I mean, it was just brilliant. And I think I figured out who the missing link is between the Olsen twins and Van Hudgens - it's freakin' Fergie. Homegirl has got to be pushin' 60 but she really overdid it last night to show off just how limber like a cat she is. She's got the voice of Celine (or so she would like you to think) and the moves of Mary Lou Retten - did you see those one handed cartwheels? She sang "Barracuda" with Heart and at one point I could tell that Ann Wilson was ready to smother her with her black crushed velvet cape. And I think ol' Nance was confused as to why the Ferg was touching her so much while she was trying to shred. I couldn't tell if i hated Fergie or if I kind of love her. I think it's a bit of both. Isn't she old, though? Right? I'm so confused.

Duck Billed Starlet-pus

Is there a long lost Olsen Twin (triplet, if you will) that we are not aware of? There is a one in a million chance that the Olsen's mom got knocked up with them and then got preggers with Marc Anthony's child and gave birth to 3 babies at once. I looked it up on Web MD - this is rare, but possible. And I'm pretty sure Vanessa Hudgens was that baby.







SEPARATED AT BIRTH!!!

Rachel Ray = Anti-Boner

This picture of her is going to haunt my dreams. There is nothing sexy about this woman. I've actually considered what she looks like naked and I think she might have fat man boobs. I'll never forgive you, Dith, for finding this photo and emailing it to me.

Barbie Head Without the Knob

Remember when you were a kid and played with Barbies? There was always an incident, maybe twice a year, where her head would pop off and you'd lose the knob that attached the head to the neck and allowed her to turn her head with ease. "Hey, what's all that commotion over there?" or "Aw, you are so cute, Ken." You could turn her head or tilt it just a bit - as long as you had that knob. Once the knob was gone you could only reattached the head by pushing it onto the neck and something would happen and air would get inside and the inflate Barb's head and all of a sudden she would look fat, or like she just got her wisdom teeth out. Since I've retired from my Barbie playing days, I've found that there are a lot of people in this world who look like they've lost the knob that attaches their head to their neck and therefore have the constant look of swollen Barbie head sans knob.

mouth penis

guys, i had this weird dream last night where i was a lesbian and had a penis. i don't remember how, but somehow my penis got cut off at the top - like the whole top part was sliced off. i think we were at a treehouse club and my girlfriend cut it off or something - i don't really remember. i was holding the piece in my hand and kept trying to put it back on. i didn't want to go to the hospital because i knew it was going to take a lot of stitches. i think McCartney from The Bachelor was my girlfriend.

then somehow i decided to just to put it together, bandage it, and hope for the best. the next day i woke up and looked in the mirror. there was a crazy white scar around my lips - somehow the penis turned into my lips, but otherwise it healed fine. then it hit me that i didn't take care when putting the pieces together and didn't line up the urethra. i had to pee so i decided to see if it worked and i was full of anxiety. finally the pee started flowing and everything was fine.

RE: Massive Run

yes, that's why taking a massive run is a funny thing to say. one could easily be all like, "dude, meredith just told me she was taking a massive run. that is disgusting. i wonder if she has a penis." meanwhile, you are simply taking a jog around the block. well, i guess a jog around the block is not a massive run. there is nothing massive about jogging. didn't piper recently say that jogging is a weird term that should not be used anymore. any man who uses the word "jog" castrates himself immediately.

Re: Massive Runs

The problem with a massive run is that it is one meager consonant away from "massive runs," which is universally acknowledged as a disgusting thing. Also, I feel like with [name redacted] the issue was that he was somehow trying to compensate and proove his jockishness, even though you didn't want that in a dude. It was weird.