Rachel Ray = Anti-Boner

This picture of her is going to haunt my dreams. There is nothing sexy about this woman. I've actually considered what she looks like naked and I think she might have fat man boobs. I'll never forgive you, Dith, for finding this photo and emailing it to me.

Barbie Head Without the Knob

Remember when you were a kid and played with Barbies? There was always an incident, maybe twice a year, where her head would pop off and you'd lose the knob that attached the head to the neck and allowed her to turn her head with ease. "Hey, what's all that commotion over there?" or "Aw, you are so cute, Ken." You could turn her head or tilt it just a bit - as long as you had that knob. Once the knob was gone you could only reattached the head by pushing it onto the neck and something would happen and air would get inside and the inflate Barb's head and all of a sudden she would look fat, or like she just got her wisdom teeth out. Since I've retired from my Barbie playing days, I've found that there are a lot of people in this world who look like they've lost the knob that attaches their head to their neck and therefore have the constant look of swollen Barbie head sans knob.

mouth penis

guys, i had this weird dream last night where i was a lesbian and had a penis. i don't remember how, but somehow my penis got cut off at the top - like the whole top part was sliced off. i think we were at a treehouse club and my girlfriend cut it off or something - i don't really remember. i was holding the piece in my hand and kept trying to put it back on. i didn't want to go to the hospital because i knew it was going to take a lot of stitches. i think McCartney from The Bachelor was my girlfriend.

then somehow i decided to just to put it together, bandage it, and hope for the best. the next day i woke up and looked in the mirror. there was a crazy white scar around my lips - somehow the penis turned into my lips, but otherwise it healed fine. then it hit me that i didn't take care when putting the pieces together and didn't line up the urethra. i had to pee so i decided to see if it worked and i was full of anxiety. finally the pee started flowing and everything was fine.

RE: Massive Run

yes, that's why taking a massive run is a funny thing to say. one could easily be all like, "dude, meredith just told me she was taking a massive run. that is disgusting. i wonder if she has a penis." meanwhile, you are simply taking a jog around the block. well, i guess a jog around the block is not a massive run. there is nothing massive about jogging. didn't piper recently say that jogging is a weird term that should not be used anymore. any man who uses the word "jog" castrates himself immediately.

Re: Massive Runs

The problem with a massive run is that it is one meager consonant away from "massive runs," which is universally acknowledged as a disgusting thing. Also, I feel like with [name redacted] the issue was that he was somehow trying to compensate and proove his jockishness, even though you didn't want that in a dude. It was weird.

blog thoughts

having a blog with you guys is really stressful. my adrenaline is pumping. i hope i start to feel comfortable like i do on email. soo....what should we talk about? who has their period? let's see a show of hands! who likes a boy? cool! uh....i'm going to go have a sandwich.

http://www.observer.com/2008/nerds-steel

did you guys read this yet? there's no women in it, which is weird but it's funny. the one guy is really obnoxious though. i'd much rather be with someone embarrassed to go to the gym than someone who is genuinely proud of themselves and flaunts it. it's like when you know who would constantly tell me about all the runs he goes on. "went for a serious run last night - felt good." "i ran before i went to work this morning...going for a run after work so i can't hang out...well, i don't feel bad eating this burger b/c of the massive run i took this morning - what about you? guilty much?"

taking a massive run is gross.